Meet Johan & Annelie, "We stopped touching each other because we were scared"
The names and images in this story have been changed to protect individual privacy and convey a message. It is not intended to be medical advice or give medical guidance in any way. Any individual must always consult with their medical practitioner if they suspect sexual dysfunction or before taking unknown substances.
"The worst part wasn't the night it didn't work. The worst part was the year after, when we both just stopped trying."
Meet Johan and Annelie. They're in their mid-40s, live in Pretoria, and have been married for 18 years. Two teenagers, a Labrador called Bliksem, and a calendar that looks like a game of Tetris.
From the outside, they're the couple everyone wants at their dinner party. But for a long time, something was missing at home.
Johan's side
"It started about three years ago. Work was crazy, I'd just been put on blood pressure tablets, and one night things just... didn't happen. I laughed it off. Then it happened again. And again.
"After a while, I started avoiding it completely. I'd stay up late watching rugby reruns until I knew she was asleep. I'd rather she think I wasn't interested than see me fail again. Looking back, that was the stupidest thing I could have done."
This is one of the most common patterns we hear about. One bad night turns into worry. The worry makes the next time harder. And soon avoiding intimacy feels safer than risking another "failure".
Annelie's side
"I honestly thought it was me. I'd had two kids, I wasn't 25 anymore, and suddenly my husband didn't want to touch me. I lay awake wondering if he was seeing someone else.
"I didn't want to make him feel worse by bringing it up, so I just went quiet. We became really good flatmates. Kind to each other, but lonely."
Read that again: two people who loved each other, both convinced they were the problem, both too scared to say a word.
The conversation that changed everything
It was Annelie who finally broke the silence, on a long drive back from her sister's place in Bela-Bela.
"I just said it. 'Are you still attracted to me?' He actually had to pull over. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind, and then he told me everything. The tablets, the stress, the fear. We both cried at a Wimpy on the N1. Not my most glamorous moment."
"I couldn't believe she'd been blaming herself," says Johan. "That broke my heart more than anything."
How they rebuilt it
They went to the doctor. Johan booked a check-up and was honest about what was going on. His doctor adjusted his medication and checked his heart health, sugar and cholesterol.
They took the pressure off. "We made a rule: no expectations," says Annelie. "Some nights it was just a massage, or showering together. It felt like dating again."
They made time for each other. A standing Friday date night, phones in the drawer, teenagers bribed with pizza money.
They talked more, in and out of bed. "We'd been married 18 years and never really spoken about what we each enjoy," Annelie laughs. "Turns out I'd been doing some things wrong for nearly two decades."
"Once my doctor gave me the go-ahead, I wanted something natural to help with my confidence," says Johan. "Takbok gave me that. The physical side helped, but honestly the biggest thing was that I stopped worrying. When you're not scared of it going wrong, you can actually enjoy being with your wife."
"And he's more relaxed," Annelie adds. "That's the sexiest thing about it."
What Johan and Annelie want you to know
"If you're the guy: say something," says Johan. "Hiding it hurts her much more than the problem ever will."
"And if you're the wife or girlfriend," says Annelie, "it's probably not about you. Ask the question. Be gentle. And then go eat a toasted cheese at Wimpy, it helps."
If Johan and Annelie's story sounds a little too familiar, take it as your sign. Start the conversation, see your doctor, and take the pressure off. Takbok #meerhoring is here when you're ready to rediscover the fun, together.